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No More Pandora
Daily Posts
Written by The Gremlin King   
Monday, 18 August 2008 15:48

There has got to be something we're missing here.

Pandora, a website that utilizes the Music Genome Project, will stream you free, uninterrupted music that you will probably like, based on your stated musical preferences.

They had licensing agreements with various record labels that allowed them to generate these customized playlists so that each listener could have a unique radio station, playing only music that they will enjoy. But it looks like that's no longer going to be the case.

This article in Ars Technica spells out the death of this beautiful experiment at the hands of the non-profit group SoundExchange.

A Word About SoundExchange

SoundExchange (SE) got its start as a royalites-collection division of the Recording Industry Association of America. In 2000, it was "spun-off" (whatever that means) to become an independent and non-profit organization.

I have a very hard time believing that an organization that was started by the RIAA has anything approaching artist or consumer interests at heart. The group is interested in collecting unpaid revenues, taking 10% (sometimes more) off the top, and then passively waiting for the artist to show up and claim their money.

Oh, and if the artist doesn't show up for 3 years, SE just keeps the cash. Moving on.

What it means for you

As SE lobbies Congress to allow them to raise Internet radio royalties, sites like LastFM and Pandora will simply not be able to remain solvent. These companies provide free music to potential customers, with the option to purchase the songs they're enjoying from places like Amazon or the iTunes Music Store. But they can't possibly generate enough income to pay the new royalties.

Or, as SE seems to be implying, the free music sites aren't doing enough to maximize revenue. Essentially, SE is saying: "You guys can stay in business if you want. Just make more money by increasing the amount/frequency of advertising. Then you can afford to pay us the outrageous, extortionist royalites we're demanding."

Why does the Music Industry seem so intent on pissing off their customers? It appears that if the RIAA or the MPAA could find a way to charge us a little bit every time we put in a CD or a DVD, they would. And the technology for that kind of thing isn't impossible.

When that device comes out, the CD player that charges you 1/10 of a cent every time you play certain songs or an MP3 player that keeps track of how many times you listen to "We Want the Funk," it will be presented to the people in pro-consumer language, masquerading as something advanced and cheap and simply fantastic.

I hate to say it, but Apple will probably be the first to make them. It will be after Steve Jobs is replaced, maybe 10 or 15 years from now. And it's precisely because we trust Apple to not do something like that.

How To Stop Them

SE and the RIAA are lobbyists. They exert influence on elected representatives. If you want to neuter their ability to screw consumers, the only thing to do is write your Congressperson or Senator.

Don't know who they are or how to reach them? Don't worry. Project Vote Smart does.

 
What a Whacky World
Daily Posts
Written by The Gremlin King   
Friday, 15 August 2008 13:09

I have returned, having triumphed in my journey, to continue my daily reports of the status of the Lair. And boy, did I pick a good week to leave my post. The Olympics, John Edwards' penis, the whole Russia/Georgia thing...

Speaking of which, we have a recording of what President Bush said when he was told about the European situation. Ever since 9/11, we've bugged him with a listening device of some kind so we can hear what his aides actually say to him when they lean in and whisper something of great importance. Here is the transcript of that conversation:

AIDE: Mr. President, Russia has invaded Georgia.

POTUS: Did they go in through Tennessee or Alabama?

Ba-dum-PSSH.

While I was away, our own Frank Plutark contributed his thoughts on these subjects, and I think he's done a fantastic job.

What's Around The Bend

I spent some time with the head of our Ministry of Technology, Elrond Hubbard. He has suggested that we undergo some more changes to the website, and I don't disagree with him.

It looks like we're going to be taking a more focused approach to the website, what with the incredible popularity of our webcomic. Instead of the 19 (!!!) menu items at the top of the page, we think we can whittle it down to about 5 or 6. We're taking a cue from Apple; The customer is happier when tough decisions are made for them.

Also, I'd like to say Thank You to everyone who has subscribed to our email updates, YouTube animations and our RSS feed. The numbers are encouraging and we hope to see more people leaving comments and writing fan mail. Your attention is like food to us. It sustains our essence.

 
Death and Taxes
Daily Posts
Written by Frank Plutark   
Tuesday, 12 August 2008 19:42
"The sentencing court sends the right message to the American taxpayer -- you've got to pay your taxes ... Rich, poor, it doesn't matter. We all pay our taxes."
-U.S. Attorney Robert O'Neill at Wesley Snipes trial

"The public be damned! I'm working for my stockholders!"
-Cornelius Vanderbilt

It has been said that only two things in life are certain: death and taxes.

Of course, that maxim only applies to people. If a person doesn't pay their taxes, they go to jail. If some fatal mishap befalls a person, they die.

The same rule does not apparently hold for corporations.

In fact, according to a study conducted by the Government Accountability Office, 72% of foreign companies and 57% of American companies paid no federal income taxes for at least one year between 1998 and 2005. Are those corporations going to jail? (No, but Wesley Snipes sure is...)

As far as the Death half of our venerable proverb is concerned, again the rule does not apply to corporations (especially financial ones.) Look at the bailout of Bear-Stearns. There's plenty of money for big banks when Death comes knocking. I wonder if they'll even have to pay taxes next year.

Conservatives might think that's good. "Taxation impedes business and retards economic growth," they'll tell you. Republicans claim that private industry is more efficient than government and that regulation of private industry only hurts jobs, wages, and prices. But I personally doubt that an oligarchic kleptocracy of bankers and brokers (who break every rule they can find and suffer no consequences) is quite what your Founding Fathers had in mind, when they enumerated an individual's right to own property.

I just think it's sad that, in America, a corporation has more of a right to liberty and property than an individual citizen does.
 
Guest Blog: Sappho Genius - LTPG
Letters To Professor Genius
Written by Professor Walter Genius   
Tuesday, 12 August 2008 04:28
Dear Professor Genius,
I have been having difficulty relating with my father since I was very young. I've found now that I'm an adult, he has been quite helpful as a mentor for my career. But, now that I have children, I'm disappointed in his inability to relate to my children (his grandchildren). Do you have any suggestions on how I can fix this? - Distraught Daughter


Dear DD,
Whatever you father has done to you, it is nothing compared to what my terrible father has done to me. For my eighth birthday, he got me dual citizenship to Iran. Evidently, I told him I wanted a bicycle, and he mistook that for me wanting dual citizenship! Of course, the US government would not accept this (as we were in the middle of the hostage crisis!), and they deported me for treason (as a child)! I eventually was able to come back to Iran in a deal, but only if my father helped the Iranians develop their poor nuclear program. Fortunately, I don't think he knows much about atomic physics, so their program was scuppered for a few years. After that, my dad forced me to quit doing gymnastics in order to have time for the particle physics club at UC Berkeley. Childhood is not fun when you are ten all your friends are grad students and post-docs. At least my failure of a father got fired from Berkeley for trying to clone me, which saved me from having to go to any more PPC events. However, the cloning was almost endearing since he always loved my brother Oeddie more than me. It's obvious he prefers boys to girls since he always says "Women are inadequate to men in all matters except facial hygiene". Plus he doesn't want the "great and ancient line of Genius" to end. At least it was nice in the summers; I was able to spend time with my Aunt Peggy, who lived on a colonial warship on the Susquehanna River. The cooks let me play with the porcelain plates. Just be happy he's not your dad, you whiney %&@^!*. - Sappho

*Edited for content.

Sappho Genius is daughter of esteemed patriot and scholar Professor Walter Genius. She lives by herself in a rent-controlled apartment in New York City, despite the recommendations of her father to buy a house in Tehran and settle down.
 
Russkies Invade Georgia/Internet
Daily Posts
Written by Frank Plutark   
Monday, 11 August 2008 21:12

My spiritual kinship with sexpot Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice knows no bounds. In addition to my eternal love for all human women who resemble in form and function the animal canis familiaris, I have (like Rice) long been a student of the ancient nation once described by Winston Churchill as "a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma."

To help our Loyal Partisans make sense of the Georgian situation, we aim to provide herein a brief history of the Russian Government and then describe the current conflict in easily-digestible nuggets of folkish wisdom.

 

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