Misspellings of homonyms and incorrect contractions are perhaps the most frustrating things to read because they're such obvious mistakes when someone else makes them. And when someone else makes those mistakes, that person is clearly an idiot and you needn't bother reading anything else they've written.

Of course, those mistakes sneak into your own writing like mosquitos into a screened-in back porch. But there's always a way to justify them to yourself, isn't there? Maybe you were running up on a deadline and you didn't have a chance to go back through all your words with a fine-toothed comb. Or, if you're anything like me, it was the deadline that was running up on you. 

Seriously though, deadlines don't just run up on me. They run up, hit me over the head with a brick, rob me blind and then tell everyone that I was asleep on the job.

So I can understand it when you change the entire flow of a sentence and you forget to go back and change a word to fit the new structure. I mean, after all, we're each working on a computer with word processors that make tiny edits so incredibly easy! Our brains evolved to write with nothing more complicated than various shapes of twigs in specific kinds of mud, so it's understandable when we don't always get our words exactly right after cutting-and-pasting and clicking-and-dragging our half-formed thoughts all about on a digital page.

But come the fuck on. When you've simply split a word, down the middle, and added a whole other word into the center of it, you're simply doing bad English. I know that it usually occurs in casual conversation, but I've started to see it in people's writing, and that is unacceptable. The only time that this kind of word hackery is acceptable is, oddly enough, when a person is swearing.

See what words you can forcibly insert into other words. Start using them in every day conversation. I'm going to start with Hallo-fuggin-Ween!